Author Archives: thegrowloveproject

Must Be Present to Win

You want the prize. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have filled out the ticket with your information and dropped it in the basket. But then you notice the reminder that you must be present to win. “How badly do I want it?” you might ask. Is it worth it?

I used to wear my multi-tasker badge with pride. Isn’t that why a stove has so many burners? Isn’t a meal better with a variety of side dishes? Do more at once and pull it all together?

And yet, I am learning that there is a difference between coordinating a cohesive effort versus leaping back and forth from one task to another. The latter is an approach to which we’ve become accustomed, dubbed by scientists as “continuous partial attention.” We check our phones while ________(fill in the blank). We are expected to celebrate, “Yes! I can finally watch the game while walking my dog!”

How much are we sacrificing when we do this? When a friend calls to talk and midstream I say, “Sorry, what was that?” because I started reading an email, am I missing the whole point?

Recently I planned a business trip to Phoenix, Arizona with a couple of days built in up front to see my parents in Tucson. My wonderful seventy six year old mother was to drive 3 hours, past her Tucson airport, to pick me up in Phoenix for our visit. This way, my early morning return flight home would be close to my hotel. My travel included a connecting flight in Atlanta. While on the phone discussing business with a colleague, I hustled through the airport- searching for the gate for my connecting flight. By habit, I was about to say “Can you hold on just a second?” move the phone a few inches away from my head and ask an airline employee at the nearest gate to direct me. Instead, uncharacteristically, I said, “Hey, can I call you back in a bit, I need to figure something out.”

As I asked the Delta rep my question about my flight to Phoenix- scheduled to leave several hours later, I noticed the “Tucson” destination on the wall behind her. “I sure wish I could be getting on this flight instead” I said, thinking of the travel time it would save for both my mom and me. Turns out, I could. With a quick call to my mom to make sure she hadn’t hit the road yet and a new ticket issued, I was the last passenger to board before take off.

Thanking the Delta rep for her help, amazed at my good fortune, I said, “God is good.” To which she replied, with a smile, “All the time.”

Must be present to win. Yeah, it’s worth it.

For the Lord has said: “The Kingdom of God is among you,” (Lk 17,21). So virtue has only need of our will since it is within us and originates from us. -Saint Athanasius

Categories: Grow Love, Just Be | Leave a comment

See (and do)

There are needs all around us, intertwined into the framework of our daily lives. Do we see them or do they simply blend into the background of life?

Some see- really see- and spring into action to help. Some view the action and contemplate all the better, more expeditious ways the spring to action should happen- yet remain stagnant, not actually doing anything. Fortunately, we have people among us who demonstrate that good works result from seeing and doing. Here are two shining examples.

Recently Christine heard from an employee about a local family in significant need. The single mom was very sick, with 3 kids about to start the new school year, and had little in the way of food or money. Christine, a busy wife, mother and business owner, paused in order to see. She responded. One heartfelt post on Facebook – with details of when people could drop off donations to her business – set the wheels of love in motion. She helped others see and they responded to her spark. Donations and further offers of help abounded.

New to the neighborhood, Cindy made an effort to get to know her neighbors. She met a single mom who left for work with her school age children at a time when other kids were rolling over in their beds  for 2 more hours of sleep. The neighbor was doing the best she could to manage her home and her job as a school bus driver. Cindy, even though she was involved with her own work, family, and a special cause, saw. She responded and now ushers the children onto their buses at their appointed times. A straightforward example of matching a resource to a need, when one is willing to really see.

Two people in one community chose to see a need, and pulled it in from the fringes, front and center. They made a difference; they grew love.

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,” but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it? So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead. Indeed someone might say, “You have faith and I have works.” Demonstrate your faith to me without works, and I will demonstrate my faith to you from my works. –Letter of James 2:14-18

Categories: Grow Love, like ripples on a pond, Not-So-Random Acts of Kindness, on any given day, see | Leave a comment

A life’s lesson in building bridges

Libby Norris built bridges.

While her day job was as a Watershed Restoration Scientist, one wonders if she knew she was actually a top-notch Social Scientist as well.

Would she have said that a core element of our lives is “social capital”- the value of our social networks- who you know, how you are connected, and what happens as a result of these networks? That success is when members do for each other without expectation of anything in return? That there are those who bond with people with similar interests and lives, while others expand and build bonds to bridge (seemingly) conflicting interests? Did she know that the latter takes far more effort and courage?

If she did, she didn’t shrink from the challenge. Libby built bridges.

The Chesapeake Bay Foundation (CBF.org) posted “Quite simply, thanks to Libby’s good work, today there are more healthy rivers and streams, more fish, crabs, and oysters, and more clean water for all of us across Virginia.” Not the easiest bridges to build – from cattle farmers to watersheds. “Libby worked tirelessly with farmers across the Commonwealth. She also got to know Bay watermen on remote Tangier Island, and hosted many farmer trips to Tangier as well as brought watermen to the Valley to meet farmers. She instinctively recognized that these two groups had more in common than they did differences and sought to build shared understanding.”

The young athletes around Williamsburg will tell you she helped them bridge frustration and disappointment by illuminating that “it’s all a learning experience.” Fellow parents of athletes will share that she helped them bridge a knowledge gap of the sport, as well as how to replace nervous energy with pure enthusiasm.

Her peers will tell you she “got out of the truck.” She didn’t ponder a situation for too long; she dealt with it head on. She got out of the truck and got it done. She bridged thought to action.

Her friends and neighbors will tell you she just “was” – a reliable, genuine friend. Her encouragement helped many bridge self-doubt to the fulfillment of an ambition. Earning a Masters degree, becoming a coach, being more confident as a mom, and becoming an Outdoors Woman, to name a few. Her (perhaps EMT inspired) response time to a friend in need defied logic.

Her ready smile reminded us it was possible all along – to be a great parent, spouse, child, coach, athlete, citizen, scientist, coworker, friend, human being. Lucky for us we can see special versions of that smile in her two greatest accomplishments, her daughters. She bridged the next generation, and her laughter-ready husband will sustain the joy.

Here’s what the social scientists say at bettertogether.org, “We build social capital by creating new ties and strengthening old ones. These connections may increase individual well-being and opportunity by linking people more strongly to their local community and to larger societal resources. Or they may build community by strengthening bonds that link community members or by bridging divisions between them. The new ties may be formal, like a club, association, or civic institution, or informal, like a group of friends talking or colleagues collaborating. There is no limit to the number of specific pathways to social capital creation. How to build social capital in each community, family, block, or neighborhood is best left to community-based groups.”

Many felt it was “best left” to Libby with her “can do” approach. Now, it’s left to us.

Libby Norris planted the seeds of optimism and confidence within us. Because of her legacy, Libby continues to grow love.

“For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially toward you, with the simplicity and sincerity of God, [and] not by human wisdom but by the grace of God”. (2Cor 1,12).

Categories: Grow Love, Just Be, like ripples on a pond, Not-So-Random Acts of Kindness, time talent treasure | Tags: , | 1 Comment

A Strong Launch

The way your day starts can direct its course. Don’t we all want a strong launch? Whether it’s a healthy breakfast, an early morning workout, a thought provoking walk/talk with a friend, prayer, meditation, reading, or a steady combination of what works, the sooner we discover it, the better.

When you find your strong launch, and then deploy it to assist others in theirs, that’s pretty special. Every day, Tammy M. reads scripture, meditates on its application to daily living, and shares her personal reflections via a text to friends. All before most of us are even awake!

Here’s a sampling:

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”. Proverbs 19:21. Sometimes we are fanatics about our to-do lists. I love making them and feel so satisfied to check off each item but then have the nerve to get upset if God steers me a different way. How quickly I forget that my plans are like dust; insignificant and can be wiped away with the breeze. Remembering that His plans prevail over our plans. Ask him what he would have you to do FIRST. Pray, be patient, listen and he will direct you. Everything else will fall into place. Let God be first on your to-do list.

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you”. Isaiah 41:13. Often we have need of help in a situation – daily chores, work questions, support during illness or in a financial crisis. Friends and relatives offer help but it is limited by our abilities as humans. The Lord says: I got you! I am your help – don’t be afraid; I’m right here holding your hand! Give him the biggest Sunday Shout you can today! Spread the word that he is our help. He has every need met, every problem he’s already got handled and every promise he made, he will fulfill! Shout!”

Just as the sun rises each day, the light of these texts is consistent, yet different in its reach. Touching recipients – in their unique lives, joys, and struggles – some are a “direct hit”, while others provide the warmth of meaningful perspective to carry throughout the day.

Simply and quickly, the day’s text can be copied and sent to someone particularly aligned with that day’s reflection – a direct hit that breathes energy into a personal journey. Perhaps that person forwards it as well. And so on and so on and so on! All because Tammy shared her launch.

Here’s one more:

“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever. Psalm 52:8. The other day I noticed a small rosebush I had put in a shallow pot. My intent was to plant it in the ground but I thought since the weather was so hot and dry, it would not survive. What I failed to notice was the new growth was attached to a stronger shoot that was already flourishing. I love that word! We flourish when we remain connected and grounded by His love and trust. No matter how hot it gets or steamy the trials; when we firmly and are focused on Him, we become stronger and unwavering in the work. Be a strong “shoot” and grow in his word. Trust and be connected to him with all your being. You will not waiver; you won’t faint – you will flourish!”

Thank you Tammy for helping us “grow in His word” and “flourish”. Thank you Tammy, for growing love!

Categories: Grow Love, like ripples on a pond | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Travel in Place

If where you stand depends on where you sit*, perhaps we should move around a bit?

Travel advice often suggests experiencing a new place off hours. Pre-dawn allows one to appreciate a locale’s core peacefulness, then provides the privilege of inclusion in the subsequent awakening process.

The beauty of travel is that it broadens our perspective. In the words of Mark Twain, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

We can travel “in place” simply by stepping outside our normal routines. On any given day, watching a sunset reminds us – that particular day had unique merit. Its beauty rewards us for staying a while- past completing the necessities of the day, past our own priorities.

Cathie is a shining example of what can happen when you travel in place.

Rather than keeping her head down when she stays at work late, she sees who surrounds her; she appreciates the sunset. Rather than simply giving a polite nod to the cleaning crew, Cathie values them as a rich part of her “travel experience”. She makes the effort to know their names, their kids’ names, their aspirations – she has gotten to know them. It would be safe to assume this approach follows Cathie through all her travels, wherever they may be.

Thank you, Cathie, for growing love where you sit and leaving a trail for the rest of us!

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” Ralph Waldo Emerson

*often referred to as “Miles’ Law”

Categories: Grow Love, like ripples on a pond, on any given day | 1 Comment

Everyone Needs an Accountabilabuddy

Is there such a thing as work/life balance? Or life balance, for that matter? So often we visualize the scales of justice, with tasks, commitments, and energy equally distributed. We think the bar needs to stay level at all times. Maybe life is more like a see saw instead – one side touches ground but with a big push up of the legs, we go back up. What happens if the weight is too much and we can’t push back up?

Enter the accountabilabuddy. The accountabilabuddy sees your need for a boost and gives it.

Do you need to take a walk to vent, share stories and regain perspective?

Maybe a coffee date to compare notes of your kids’ school experiences to make sure you’re “getting the memo”?

Set up a time with your accountabilabuddy to meet and go!

Haven’t had a mammogram in years?

An accountabilabuddy will relentlessly text, prod, and harangue you until the appointment is set. Another accountabilabuddy will make her appointment for the same day and enjoy a Frappuccino with you afterwards.

You get the idea.

Accountability partners are often connected to the mission of reaching a goal – often at work or at the gym – to support your direction, to stay the course, and keep the vision in line. It’s great to have an accountability partner. However, life isn’t linear. It’s a complex matrix. It’s a wild dusty playground full of energy, squeals of delight, and chaos. We need a posse of accountabilabuddies.

So what do you need to push back up this week? To fill your cup? Share it with a friend and voila, you have an accountabilabuddy. Find an accountabilabuddy and you find a friend.

Insert yourself as a relentless, prodding, loving accountabilabuddy to help someone fill his or her cup and you are a friend.

With every boost, you are growing love.

Categories: Accountabilabuddies | Tags: , | 2 Comments

Beep and Wave

George’s sister shared this story. One day she was driving with her brother as he beeped and waved with a smile to everyone they passed. “George, you sure do know a lot of people!” she said. “Oh, I don’t know most of them”, he replied.

You see, George was that special guy who made everyone he encountered feel loved. His booming greeting and genuine interest in you confirmed that you really mattered.

Returning to her home state after the visit, George’s sister emulated her big brother’s approach. She beeped and waved. Smiles were returned. The habit stuck. She noticed that life felt better.

Today, George’s life was celebrated. A poem in the service guide serves as a reminder.

God has not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives thro’,
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Peace without pain.
But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.
                                          -Annie Johnson Flint

Thank you George, for growing love.

Many people will be beeping and waving in your honor.

 

 

Categories: Grow Love, Just Be, Poem, Witnessing Love Growing a Bit | Leave a comment

At a cost

While we enjoy our holiday weekend, let’s be sure to honor those who gave their lives for our freedom to do so. As many of us reflect on that sacrifice in general terms, chances are that someone nearby is mourning a specific friend, family member, or fellow soldier. Our U.S presidents help provide perspective:  Continue reading

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Like Peanut Butter and Jelly?

Peanut butter and jelly – milk and cookies – pizza and beer; some things just go together. Whatever the combination, experienced together a few times, the expectation is that one doesn’t happen without the other.

Consider “Love of God” and “Love of neighbor.” Can we say we love God as we show disdain to our neighbor? Can we love our neighbor without showing the same to God?

Pope Francis not only answers those questions with a resounding “no”, but he also tells us it’s the law:

“What is the law of the People of God? It is the law of love, love for God and love for neighbour according to the new commandment that the Lord left to us (cf. Jn 13:34).”

“It is a love, however, that is not sterile sentimentality or something vague, but the acknowledgment of God as the one Lord of life and, at the same time, the acceptance of the other as my true brother, overcoming division, rivalry, misunderstanding, selfishness; these two things go together.”

“What is this people’s mission? It is to bring the hope and salvation of God to the world: to be a sign of the love of God who calls everyone to friendship with Him; to be the leaven that makes the dough rise, the salt that gives flavor and preserves from corruption, to be a light that enlightens.”

It’s peanut butter jelly time!

Categories: Grow Love, Our Pope Says it Best, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My money is on team God

It doesn’t take much deep thinking to realize who is behind the battle of good and evil. Pope Francis spells it out for us:

 “Look around us — it is enough to open a newspaper, as I said — we see the presence of evil, the Devil is acting. However, I would like to say out loud: God is stronger! Do you believe this, that God is stronger? Let us say it together, let us say it all together: God is stronger! And do you know why he is stronger? Because He is Lord, the only Lord. And I would like to add that reality, at times dark and marked by evil, can change, if we first bring the light of the Gospel especially through our lives.” Continue reading

Categories: Grow Love, Our Pope Says it Best | Leave a comment

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